This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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