i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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