i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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