i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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