You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My feet surprised me
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