he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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