The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
