There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
