I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
