guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
