Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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