no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
40s are totally the cure
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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