he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
