ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
