at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
