So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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