so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
