Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
