Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
