who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
