I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
is wine microwaveable?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
