8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
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