is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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