google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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