the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
