he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
