TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
