Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
