cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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