..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
