Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
