remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
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She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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