I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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