You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
