he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
