Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
