I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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