Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
