Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
