I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
