I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
