i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
