Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
