i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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