obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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