I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I believe in your delicious
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
