So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
