I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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