Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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