just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
