dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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