Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Non-Jews are for practice
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
