We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
