just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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