The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
