Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
All I want is dick and wine.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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