I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
