Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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